Past Secrets
by Enchanted99
Summary: A series of one-shot explaining things about the girls past. We all have secrets and our story's always more complex than meets the eye. Dive into the past of Cleo, Rikki, Emma, and Bella. inspired and loosely based off of Tali NCIS-Gleek fan's story Reveal. R&R. (possible triggers. fixing grammar.)
1. Fear

Past Secrets

**A/N: Re written as of May 30, 2015. Second person. **

**Cleo**

"Please!" You beg you parent at the dinner table. "Please, can I go with Daddy!"

Your mother purses her lips. "Cleo, maybe when you're older."

"You said that same thing when I was five. Mommy, I'm seven now!"

"Nine?" You mother suggests.

"Mommy!" you whine. "Please?" You batter you eyelashes. "I promise I'll clean my room everyday for a week." You try to bargain.

Your mom smiled defeated. "Alright."

"YAY!" You've never smiled that brightly before.

* * *

><p>"I don't fish here." You dad says as he drives the boat. "too many turtles."<p>

You perk up at the mention of sea turtles. "Can we see them?"

"Maybe. I'll stop the boat and we can check it out."

But you already was running as fast as your legs could carry you. Looking over you boat you saw a baby turtle and its mom. You bent down to get as close to the water as you could.

The water was surprisingly cool when you fell in. The fall itself knock your breath out of you and the salt water stung your eyes. You were never the as strong of a swimmer like Emma, but you though you were decent enough. Your lungs screamed for oxygen and almost burst before you head hit the surface. You began to tread, struggling to stay afloat you could hear you father frantically calling your voice.

"Daddy!" You screamed as you bobbed up and down. You think he heard you, but you were not sure. You arms were jelly and you feet felt light led. You manage one small breath before going under once more. You flailed your arms and legs hopelessly; you could not get back to the surface. You ran out of hair; instinctually you inhaled. Water filled you mouth and burned your throat and you coughed. Your head hurt, eyes burned, and chest felt tight. Black dots appear in your vision and you vague remember some one grabbing your arm.

* * *

><p>The beeping was getting very annoying; you were exhausted beyond belief. The light too, were unnaturally bright. Annoyed, your pried your eyes open. <em>Ugh. Why can I just go back to sleep. <em>Blinking a few time the room came into focus. White ceiling, walls and one window; this was not your room. Your moved you arm a bit to try and sit up; you felt something tug. Glancing down you see become aware of all the wires and tubes attached to you. _What happened? _You turn you head and see your parents outside the door talking to a person; the doctor presumably.

You try to call for them, but your mouth is dry and tongue feels like cotton. "Mom, dad!" Your voice is hoarse and weak, but enough to get their attention.

"Cleo baby!" The cry as the rush over to you.

"I am so sorry."" You dad tells you.

"Are you okay?" Your mom asks.

"You glance at your dad. "Sorry for what? Why am I here?" You parents look taken back. "What's going on?" You voice is still hoarse. Your mother grabs a drink off of the table next to you. You down it quickly.

A man comes in and introduces himself as Dr. Peters, but says you and call him Daniel. Her ask you a series of quest which you see as pointless. But your mom tell you the sooner you answer them the sooner you can go home. You wince when the draw blood and get impatient with you parents while they wait for the results.

Eventually you are cleared to go home.

* * *

><p>Your parents told you later that week why your were in the hospital and you got really quiet. It all made sense; the nightmare of blackness, and the feeling of your lungs burning.<p>

After that you were never able to get into the water without panicking. Your parents tried taking you to place to help, and the panic attacks stopped, but you were never truly able to get ride of the feeling of your chest tightening and water burning out of your mind.

_**A/N: Not my best, but I feel its better than what I originally posted.**_


	2. Goodbye

_**A/N: Rikki's turn… she's 11. P.S. I urge every one to check out/take part in the my poll that's on my profile. And I'd like to give a big thanks MissKatnissSwift for helping me with this one!**_

* * *

><p>Rikki was always extremely close to her mom. One day when they went out together. It was familiar and unusual because although they went shopping Rikki's mum let her get anything she wanted, almost like the rule of saving money went out the window. Now her family wasn't extremely poor nor extremely wealthy. The were a sort of lower average, enough to survive and get some special thing but only on occasions. This day wasn't one of them, but Rikki didn't question. She loved spending the extra time with her mum. They splurged on a small silver necklace that has a red heart charm. Later her mom let her pick what ever restaurant she wanted.<p>

Rikki never questioned this day or how her mum would always tell her 'I love you' even more so than usual or how her mum gave her a kiss and a long hug before she sent her to bed. Only later did she realize what that meant.

* * *

><p>That night Rikki was sound asleep only to be woken by the sound of her parents arguing.<p>

"Do you realize how much money we've lost?!" Her dad screams.

"Well I want Rikki to have a good childhood! I care more about her than the money unlike you!" Her mom retorted. He dad was seething with anger.

"How could you think that I don't care about my own daughter?!" He shrieked. " I love her more than anything, but how can we take care of her if we don't even have them money to take care of ourselves?!" Her dad said finally calming down.

"We'll make through." Her mom says trying reassure him. They both begin to calm down and begin to talk in hushed tones and Rikki must strain to hear them. Eventually she grows tired and her thought and parents blur together, but the last clear thing she remember before drifting off to sleep is her mother saying  
>"Goodbye, Terry."<p>

_That was a weird dream._ Rikki thought woke up but shrugged it off and went to the kitchen smiling. _That's weird_ she thought her mum was always up before she was. _She must have slept in and had to rush to work. _Rikki concluded. She saw her dad sitting in the family room reading a letter, crying.

"Whats wrong, Dad?" She ask concerned. Her father rarely kept anyone see him cry. He opened his mouth but no words came out; he handed her a letter. It was addressed to her in her mum's hand writing. She took it to her room and read it.

_Dear Rikki,_

_Before you read this I want to you know that I loved, no will always love you. It's just your father and I have our differences; it's not his fault. It's mine. I wanted to tell you in person but I just couldn't bear it, to see what I was doing to you. Rikki I can;t express how truly sorry I am. Look I'm just going to come out and say it… I can;t take living in this town anymore. The only reason I stayed so long is because__ of you. You were my bright spot in this town. I needed to move on… from your father we loved each other. He stills loves me and I hate to see what this is doing to you, but I know you'll be better off with out me. I hope to see you in a few years… please don't be mad at your father. He loves you. I love you...  
><em>

_Goodbye for now,_

_Mom _

The letter itself was stained with tears both from her mother and Rikki's._ How could she?! _The broken-hearted eleven year old thought. He dad came in to check on her.

"Go away!" She shirked. He did, leaving her to her thoughts. Suddenly everything made sense to her everything her mom got her, then long kiss and hug; it was there goodbye. She also realized that the argument that her parents had, that she thought was a dream wasn't.

Rikki kept to herself from a while her friends asked what's was wrong, but they got no answer. She eventually to her two best friend, Stephen Andrews. They comforted her and encouraged her to talk to her dad; she listened. She and her dad eventually grew closer, but they still had trouble with money. Rikki was unable to dress in style even a bit. Eventually She her group of friends ditched her because she wasn't in style. Stephen was her last friend, but he became more popular as he got better at sports and by the time she was 14, they rarely talked. Stephen became and absolute jerk. Yet he still had a soft spot for Rikki. But call it peer pressure, call it stupid, call it what you will he abandoned her completely. He was that guy; the one who is a complete jerk and treats everyone like they're beneath him. He wasn't rich but he sure acted like it. Rikki didn't shed a tear when her dad told her they were moving. She was 16.

* * *

><p>Rikki found out that the only person you can count on is yourself; because everyone she every loved (excluding her father) left her. She became a loner. When she went to her new school she didn't bother forming any close bonds with her classmates 'cause they'd eventually leave like everyone else. Even her friendship with Cleo, Emma, and Bella was… hesitant afraid of being hurt again. Then the was Zane Bennett. He always reminded her of Stephen, not the old Stephen, but first class jerk. Maybe that's why she hated him at first. But she found out that Zane had a softer side; the one he never let people see.<p>

But Rikki never told anyone her deepest secrete. She still missed her mom so much. Rikki kept the letter and the necklace hidden in a draw at the back of the room. She never takes it out; it brings back too many memories but she can't get rid of it either. It's the last thing her mum gave her, the last I love you, the last present, their last goodbye.

Rikki sighed as she stared at the envelope in her hand. it was from her mom; she got on her 16 birthday but never opened it. And she never will. Rikki put the letter with the necklace and goodbye note. _Just another secrete to hid._ She thought.

_**A/N: what did you think? Who do want next Emma or Bella? Thanks so much for reading!**_


	3. Perfection

_**A/N: Emma's turn. Sorry about the long wait. Possible triggers: self harm, suicide**_

Perfect. This one word described the Gilbert's the perfect family, right? Well that's not so. If in facts it's this demand for being the perfect child could drive anyone to the brink. Emma was there tittering on the edge but it was her sister's disappearance and her untimely death that pushed her over.

Emma and her sister Ella who was four years older than her was as close as two sister could be of course they had their issues. Emma was a tad bit jealous being the middle child. Her baby brother got most of her parents attention and her sister got the rest. Ella said it was for the best that she was invisible. Emma didn't understand because she was only five but in a few years she would. Once her parents found out how she was a gifted swimmer the pressure was on, for her to be the best win every meet. She finally understood what her sister meant.

They both were pushed too far. Emma with sports and grades and Ella with musical arts and grades, whilst Elliot who was at the time didn't have to worry about any of this. They tried telling there parents but they didn't listen, wouldn't listen, and pushed them even further if that was possible.

_"We know you aren't easy on you girls." Their father voice held no sympathy. "We want you to secede, and to do that you have to be the best." _It was the standard response to their complaints.

Years later Emma could still recall a conversation she overheard.

_"Mum," Ella pleaded. "It was just off from an A. It's a high B."_

_"And I expected better." Her mother said sternly ignoring the fact that her daughter was near tears. "Ella, we just want what's best for you."_

It replayed in her head every time Emma though about voicing her thoughts.

On the eve of Ella's sixteenth birthday she ran away without a word. The family was heartbroken. They filed a missing person's report yet there was still no sign of her. So weeks turned to months and still no sign of Ella, but sadly, for Emma, life didn't slow down at the Gilbert house, well not that much. The standers were lower slightly but not enough.

_"Mom, Dad please." Emma was crying._

_"No Emma," Her father's voice was firm, unmoved by her daughters tears. "You were on point away from a B."_

_"But its still an A." She tried to reason._

_"Barely an A. Honestly Emma, we gave you break because of Ella but life goes on, it has to."_

_"You don't care do you?" Emma replied before storming out and locking herself in her room_.

With her sister gone Emma felt like she had no one to talk to, not even her best friends Cleo and Lewis. They wouldn't understand she told herself. Their parent didn't have such high standers and Elliot was still too young to understand, hopefully he never would. Emma went to bed crying every night and she prayed for her parents to lighten, for her sister to come back, or for her to not wake up.

Then the night before Emma's fourteenth her sister returned to her home town in a body bag cause of death she drive her car off a bridge; it was never know if she serve to avoid hitting something, or if she intentionally did it. That was it for Emma; her one person who understood her situation, who she could go to for advice was dead. Emma wanted nothing more than to go to sleep and never wake up. Her sister's death changed so many things at the Gilbert house. Her parent were a lot less strict and the standers disappeared, but that could not undone the damage done to Emma and Ella. Emma continued to spiral and blamed her parents for sisters death because if they would've lightened up sooner she never would have run away and would have never died.

Although her parents standers were almost completely gone Emma still put pressure on herself. To live up to the image created by her sister and the reputation that the Gilberts had, as "best students a teacher could wish for." Emma knew if she her grades dropped, she would still deal with disappointed looks from her parents and probably a word or too from her father. One night she couldn't take it and black out. She woke up in the hospital with her parent by her side in tears. The first words she spoke to them "Why am I still alive?" Her voice was heartbroken; she did not expect to wake up. Her parents made sure the medicine cabinet was locked for then on.

_"Emma," Her mother pleaded. "Please say something."_

_The fifteen year old refused to answer to acknowledge her parents; her own thoughts were louder than their voices._

_"Emma," It was the kindest tone her father ever spoke with, you could practically hear his sadness. "I'm sorry, and I can't tell how much I wish I could change the past."_

_She continued to stare blankly at the ceiling. She heard her parents words, but they did not register with any emotional response. She left to pack her things without a word. _

When she came back no one asked Emma about her sister or why she went away for a few days. Cleo and Lewis were there for her but Emma was already gone. Everyone tried to bring her back but she was gone; the sparkle in her eyes was gone. She spent most of her freshman year going through the motions. Not that anyone would be able to tell her grades strait A's and won almost ever swim meet. Only the people closest to her were able to tell how broken she was.

The kids at school weren't much help; Mirman's constant remarks _You're so ugly why would anyone want to go out with you? You think you're so smart you f***ing b****! Ugly, fat, smart*** know it all, _the list goes on. Mirman did not stop when she saw the scars hidden under the wrist bands Emma wore, and the way her had a tendency clothes hung off her small frame revealing her collar bones, spine, and shoulder blades. Mirman added attention _seeking wh***_ to the list making sure that rumors flew about the star student, and swimmer with scars on her wrist and a distaste for food.

Cleo and Lewis did stand up for her though. But Mirman was relentless and eventually started Lewis and Cleo too. Emma had it you could start on her but leave her friends out of it. She snapped and lashed out at Mirman; she ended up with a bloody nose, and black eye. Emma had a surprisingly good right hook.

Later Emma was seen on a secluded part of the beach her hands shaking as she dragged a blade across her forearm. It was Byron who saw her with the blade. He asked her why would she do that. Looking him in the eye she asked him why it matters.

"I guess it does." He answered. "What matters is that you stop now, and wait so I can call some one to help."

Emma only tightened her grip on the blade, as he tried to take it from her. He won putting it in his pocket he carried her to his house because it was closer than the hospital. She fought him the whole way there.

_"Please don't tell my parents." Emma begged, and Byron never told, under the condition that he took her to his aunt; she was in training to be a nurse and lived around the block. Emma complied reluctantly. _

_"Why do you care?" Emma asked as he walked her home. _

_"Why wouldn't I?" He responded. They were at the front lawn, and Emma said goodbye. He grab her hand before he left, "Not a goodbye, but see you later." he corrected her._

Byron was true to his word and meet up with her throughout the summer months, and Emma was grateful for him. It was nice being able to talk and even cry in front of someone that didn't ask why or try to figure out what tragedy cause some one to break. After all once you're broken, does it matter why?

Slowly, her eyes began to sparkle, she would laugh on occasions, and her smiles where genuine. Half way into the next semester, and she was barely recognizable as the broken girl she once was.

Eventually people began to forget Emma as the insecure, little girl who lost her sister; that girl was, for the most part a ghost, lingering and then slowly fading from people's minds, even Byron's. Only Cleo, Lewis and her family knew of her darkest time though they never brought it up. The physical scars eventually faded, but the emotional ones still remained. Although she was mostly clean, Emma still found herself staring are the box under her bed, tempted to open it, on bad days she's sit on the floor in her room with the door locked and blade in hand. Eventually those days became few and far between; Emma became skilled at ignoring the thoughts that would to fill her head, and resist the temptation of odd comfort that the sharp metal gave her. Yet, there was still something that Emma kept secret. In the same box that held her blades and a bottle of pills, she kept a picture of her and her sister along with the note she left for only Emma to read.

_Em,_

_I'm so sorry __that I left you and Elliot in the spotlight of our parents demands; I couldn't take it anymore. I hope by leaving that they will realize what their demands are doing. It will also give me time to figure things out. Stay strong; I know you can handle this better than I ever could. See you soon, sis. I promise._

_Love,_

_Ella_

**_A/N: One more chapter after and it's Bella._**


	4. Regret

**_A/N: So this is in second person. more info at end of chapter hope you enjoy. _**

**Bella**

Your hands shake so badly you almost drop the letter you were holding. _This cannot be real. _Honestly, you knew her habits were going to kill her _eventually_ as in sixty years, but not this soon. Sitting down on the floor of your living room, because you do not think you can make it the meter to the sofa, you eyes scan the letter once more.

Guilt washes over you as you think of your last words to you mother. "_I hate you!" you screamed at her when she announced you were moving to Australia to live in a small apartment on your own. The drive to the airport was silent and filled with tension. Your mother offered you a hug, but you pushed her away giving her a cold stare before grabbing your suitcase and walking away. _Tears mark the letter, smearing the penmanship. "I'm so sorry." your whisper is deafening in the silent room.

Even though the relationship between you and your mother was strained at best, you really did care for each other. Memories wash over you like a tide wave and pull you under as your face is painted with tears.

_"Bella hurry up!" your mother yells. "We have to get going." You rolled your eyes and walked leisurely down the steps and took your time grabbing your shoes. Rushing you always made you go slower and your mom should have known that by now. _

_"I swear to God Bella you are the laziest person on this planet." It was always hard to tell if she was joking._

_"I'm here now." You replied curtly before getting in the car. _

_You and your mother alway drove in silence. Ever since you turned twelve and your father passed, you and your mother rarely saw eye to eye. _

_But this was a good day. You actually agreed on a dress for your spring fling; it was you ninth grade year and you wanted to catch this one guy eye. The dress itself was white and had a few cut outs but was not too revealing. _

_Afterwards, you enjoyed ice cream at the local pallor and your mom place her hand on top of yours and told you "I love you. Even though I may not act like it I always do. You know that right Bella."_

_Your nodded although you were not entirely sure._

_"Please remember that."_

_"I promise."_

Unfortunately, you did not keep your promise. That day at the airport you forget about the promise. Heck you forget every good memory you had of your mom. _She didn't me. She never did. She just couldn't wait to get ride of me. She was never really in my life to begin with. _The thoughts were bitter and cold on the long flight and resentment filled your thoughts every time she called.

To say you could hold a grudge would be an understatement.

Yet the last thought was not entirely untrue. Sure your mom tended to get caught up in her work. After all, she had to pay for the both of them and their home along with trying to have enough extra money.

But you still resented her for it. The disappointment that would almost bring tears to your eyes when you would look out to the audience of a school play and see everyone's family but yours. Never could have friends over because your mom was never home. At least that was how it seemed.

You called her out for rarely being there; you couldn't remember what you said but her response still rang in you mind.

_"You ungrateful brat!" Your mother spat at you. "I work over sixty hours a week to make sure there is enough food in the house, those name brand clothes, and enough extra for you to do whatever school activity you want. The least you could do is respect me and when I have free time respect my wishes and leave me alone."_

She didn't understand that what she asked for was just some quality time, just so you could be reminded that she cared.

They say actions speak louder than words, but when words are hardly spoken. You never are truly sure what the actions signify. Is it really that hard to say "I love you." every now and then?

But, you would take back every single word you said, to re-do that day at the airport or even just to have the chance to answer one of your mom's calls. You are drowning in guilt; you never listened to her voice mails before you deleted them.

* * *

><p>Ireland<p>

Room 302

Your mother lays there glassy eyed in a hospital bed, monitors and tubes surround her. "See can probably hear you." The nurse informs you before leaving to allow you to say your final words in private.

The room is silent except for the heart monitor steady beeping.

"Mom," you voice breaking and you don't wipe the tears that have already sprung. You hold her hand gently; she is extremely cold. If it was not for the slight rise and fall of her chest you could think she was already dead. "I can't even being to say how sorry I am for ignoring you, and that day at the airpot." Your voice is thick with tears.

You mother's eyes blink and her voice is weak. "Who are you?" You can barely distinguish the words.

"It's me Bella, mom." It take every in you to keep your voice steady. "You daughter."

"Bella." Her voice is wistful. "She was a lovely girl. I wish I show her how much she meant to me."

Your heart breaks; she doesn't recognize you. "Mom," you plead "It's me. I'm right here."

She blinks a few times as if just noticing you. "You came?"

"Yes." Your words are rushed; you know how long you have. "Mom, I am so sorry for how rude I have been to you. Please I hope you know that I really do love you." Your response is so much shorter than what you want to say and the explanation that your mother deserves.

Your mother nods. "You know I love you right."

"I promise." Her mother has a ghost of smile on her face as she remember that day as well. Her grip tightens and the heart monitor beeps increase. You yell for a nurse. The monitor flatlines as quickly as it increased. You close your mothers eyes and kiss her forehead guilt still weighing you down.

_**A/N: Long time so see (I am truly sorry). Hope everyone has been doing well and hope you enjoyed! **_

_**First thing. I also rewrote Cleo's chapter, so feel free to check it out. **_

_**Second this was not beta'd. I need to recontact my beta. **_

_**Third will try to update one story once a month.**_

_**Hope you enjoyed please comment! **_


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